Posted by Be You Counseling on May 22, 2019
Getting through the act of a breakup isn’t easy for anyone.
But how you handle that news from the start can help to determine the state of your emotional well-being as you move forward.
It’s okay to experience grief after a breakup. Whether you were married, have been dating for years, or even were in a new relationship, it’s still a loss. So, take the time to grieve appropriately.
However, understand that you need to eventually manage how you want to get through the event itself. In other words, you’ll get to decide how successful you’ll be in getting through it.
Managing your breakup with success means keeping your mental health and best interests in mind.
Let’s take a look at a few suggestions on how to do just that.
Accept the Breakup
One of the first things you need to do after a breakup is to accept the reality of it. It might hurt, and you may even feel as though it isn’t justified. And what often hurts more is when you don’t want to break up but your partner does.
However, it’s important to keep your dignity when you’re going through a split. You don’t need to try to convince your partner you should stay together. Instead, remind yourself that neither you nor your partner are perfect people.
You both deserve someone who is devoted to you and someone you’re happy with. If that person wasn’t you for your partner, it can be a hard pill to swallow, but an important one to accept.
Make a Clean Break
Breakups are messy enough without dragging them along. Whether you initiated the split or not, it’s always a good idea to make a clean break—at least for a while.
Try to avoid contact with your ex after the breakup until you’re both in a healthier, calmer place. Emotions typically run high for a while after a split. It’s tempting to call or text the person you were with, even if you’re just used to talking to them about things in your life.
But letting go of that communication will make the process easier for both of you. It will give you both time to grieve, and it will show respect for one another’s feelings.
Making a “clean break” also eliminates false hope. If both partners weren’t on board with the split, it’s easy for one to have hope that it will all work out again in the end. Cutting off communication gets the point across that there isn’t going to be a reconciliation.
Get Out of Your Ruts and Grow
You can use a breakup as a learning experience to break free from bad habits. A failed relationship can teach you about what you should work on for your next relationship.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely change who you are. It does, however, mean you should take a look at the things you struggle with, especially in a relationship. What can you do to improve? How do you want to grow as a person?
For some people, it’s about improving communication or getting rid of jealousy. While other people may need to work on trust and reliability.
It’s also important to search for unconscious parallels. You may not want to admit it, but your parents or caretakers relationship with one another and with you has left and imprint. Discovering how it has imprinted will help you free yourself from old unnecessary behaviors and thoughts.
In general, it’s a good idea to write down your goals (short-term and long-term) and take those ideas with you into your next relationship. You should never consider a relationship a failure. No matter how good or bad it was at any given time, it caused you to grow and learn.
If you’re struggling to manage your emotions and mental well-being after a breakup, feel free to contact me to set up a free consultation. You can also visit my Relationship Counseling page to learn more. Together, we can work on practical ways you can get through this difficult and emotional time so you can experience closure and peace and eventually move on successfully.